The Sacrifice of Saying Goodbye

I just said goodbye to one of the children of the leaders of the Earth Care DTS team…all of whom are leaving for outreach in Bali and Cambodia in the middle of the night tonight. It’s a very strange feeling to have spent so much time with people here, living, eating, laughing, worshipping, learning, breathing together for three months… with the possibility of never seeing them again until heaven. So is the life of a YWAMer, I hear.

There’s this sense of loss…you cultivate these beautiful relationships— really trying your best to live-out the Acts church together in community— then it all comes to an end. Jesus said we must hate our very lives to truly follow Him. I’m finding, the more closely I walk with Him, the more I must give up to continue with Him. It was a sacrifice to come here and live on a base with eighty-plus other people (you may recall one of my earlier blogs about this) and now it’s a sacrifice to say goodbye and to let go!

Although I am building relationships with some of the most beautiful people, there is still this sense of solitude. Of course we walk alongside others during the journey, and the Christian life *must* be in community, but it’s also one of solitude with Jesus. You cannot take anyone else to the deepest places of your heart, even if you sit them down and try to explain what’s going on in there (if you’re able to put it into words at all!). But only the Lord can *truly* share our deepest joys and our deepest sorrows, since He is within rather than external to our hearts. Not that I don’t keep my family and close friends very near to my heart wherever I am in the world. Without their love, encouragement, and support, I doubt I would have the capacity to be abroad serving the Lord. So there’s this juxtaposition: streams of deep love and intimacy mingled with streams of solitude…yet all ultimately flowing in the same direction, towards Christ.

My life over the past couple of years has been one of letting go. I’m continually having to let go…whether it’s of material things or lifestyle patterns or relationships or thoughts… I’m continually being told to keep a loose grip on everything, if any grip at all. This is hard. You have to be adaptable. Jesus lived this type of life: “Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place even to lay His head” (Matthew 8:20). Jesus said this in response and warning to someone who wanted to follow Him, for He knew doing so would be very costly. The farther along the path of faith we walk with Him, the more we have to let go of, as if the journey gets steeper and steeper along the way… so more and more baggage must be left on the side of the trail—it’s just too heavy and inhibits us from moving forward to where He wants to take us.

Don’t get me wrong—I know I’m called to this life, at least for now. I cannot imagine it any other way. And there’s absolutely no turning back. I am compelled to be on this journey. Not to mention the benefits FAR outweigh the costs: I’m really learning— deep in my heart— how much my Heavenly Father loves me and all of His creation. I cannot put a price on the revelations of love He has blessed me with! But It’s a spiritual principle that death proceeds life— one seed must fall to the ground so that others may sprout and produce a harvest of life. Of course, the greatest example of this principle is Jesus’ death… “because one person obeyed God, many will be made righteous” (Romans 5: 19). Let us follow Christ’s example, as well as Paul’s, who wrote, “Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord. For His sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with Him” (Philippians 3:8).

 “If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it” (Matthew 10:37-39).

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